God Chooses the Best!

I have recently been studying I Samuel. The story of God choosing Saul as king caught my attention. We often hear sermons on David, his great leadership and being a "man after God's own heart," and are reminded of the bad leadership of Saul.

As I was reading I Samuel 9 - 15 Saul stood out to me and I felt the lessons I am learning would be an encouragement to those just starting in ministry as well as those who have been at ministry a while.

The passages I will be quoting are from The Message Bible.

In chapters 9 and 10 Samuel obeys God and anoints Saul as king. In chapter 10:24 Samuel addresses the people and says, "Take a good look at whom God has chosen: the best! No one like him in the whole country!" At this time there were people who accepted Saul as king and followed him, but there were those who just could not grasp the idea that the Saul they knew was to lead them. They went off complaining, saying "don't make me laugh," refusing to congratulate him.

Many times when God calls us there will be those who just can't believe it! They know us too well and just can't comprehend that God would want to use us. They go off talking behind our backs with the idea they are not going to listen to anything we have to say. Remember though, God chooses the best. People around us do not see the potential God sees in us. All we need to do is remember it is God who does the calling, not our friends and family.

Look at what Saul did: "He paid them no mind." (10:27) When you know in your heart God has called you, that is all that matters. He is the one who has anointed you, not the complainers, and those who want to try to tear the calling from you.

There may be those who do not understand why the pastor's wife feels she is called to minister alongside her husband, in the forefront, and not in the background. There will be those who think the pastor's wife should have a particular ministry, just not the one you know God has called you to. Especially in a traditional church setting there will be those who just don't understand.

I want to admonish you to keep your head up and pay them no mind. God has called you! GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE! So, hang in there woman of God. You are special and designed for great things.

There is more I am learning from Saul, so stay tuned. I hope you will be encouraged also. By the way check out my website: www.mentoringwomeninministry.com and sign up for the monthly e-newseletter. You can view back issues by clicking on e-newsletters on the left of the screen.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is special to all. During this time we think about our mom and what she has meant to us through the years. I know I am thankful that mom (as well as my dad) encouraged me to pursue the ministry God put in my heart.

There will always be "ups and downs" in ministry life, that is normal. There will always be disappointment and hurt, that's a given. There will be the stress of trying to do what God desires of you as well as trying to meet the needs of the people within your care.

The one constant that is to be our stablizing force and strength is God. His grace and mercy will always be right at our fingertips, whether we feel them or not.

When you are called into ministry and God has placed that desire to serve in your heart, you will not be happy doing anything else. I have tried to do other things when it seemed ministry was too tough, and there was an empty hole inside.

I thank God for a mom that sensed in her heart God's calling upon my life and encouraged me. She still encourages me when I get discouraged and upset.

My prayer is that I will be that kind of a mom to my children. I trust we will all keep in the forefront of our mind that our children are not to be sacrificed for the "call." They are more important than anyone in our congregation. If we don't take care of our own children then we have our priorities all wrong.

A wise woman in ministry one time said that she and her pastor husband thought it was important for them to attend their children's events, even if it conflicted with a Wednesday night or another night of the week. That was so freeing! I remember going to my son's baseball games and cross country events and not feeling guilty. As youth pastor I even became creative and planned for our youth to attend some of the sports events with me. We would have a study, relating to the sport we were going to attend, and then take vans to the event. It went over very well and the teens grasped the teaching so much better because the scripture was related to a sport.

Ask God to help you be creative in ways to encourage your children and guide them, in being sensitive to what God's plan is for their life. That should be our main goal in life, next to pleasing our husband of course.

If any of you wonderful moms read this before Mother's Day have a wonderful day and be blessed by the Lord and your family!

Getting Through the Disappointments and Hurts of Ministry

I believe we need to be careful and not let hurts and disappointments harbor in our hearts. It is a normal part of life to be hurt and disappointed, but God does not want us to let them stay. We need to forgive those who hurt and disappoint us and move forward. We need to deal with the hurt and disappointment. It is important to admit we have been hurt or disappointed.

I have mentioned hurt and disappoint a lot in the first paragraph. It is because I believe, as women in ministry, we do not allow ourselves to admit when we have been hurt or disappointed. We could be disappointed in the way our marriage has turned out, our ministry has developed (or not developed), or life in general. We need to admit and commit it to the Lord.

This is where the friendships with other women in ministry will be helpful. A good friend will see the hurt and disappointment and help you through it. This woman will be a friend in whom you can be accountable. Share hurts and fears with her. Ask her to pray and make you responsible for your thoughts and feelings. Do not be fake. Be real and open. That is the only way to overcome the anger and hurt.

Dr. Thurman, in The Lies We Believe quotes James Allen from his book As a Man Thinketh; "Every thought seed sown or allowed to fall into the mind and to take root there produces its own kind. good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bad." (pg24)

Dr. Thurman points out that lies are beliefs, expectations, and attitudes that are not reality. We get these expectations and attitudes from a variety of places: i.e. media like TV, radio, magazines, movies, etc. Our culture tells us we are to look, act, and talk a certain way. Even in ministry there are certain ways we are suppose to act and dress or people will look at us strangely. I am not talking about what the Bible says regarding how to dress and act. I am talking about the culture of ministry.

When we attend church functions or denominational meetings some of things we are thinking about before we go are ..... What do I wear? What will so and so be wearing?

We are to look presentable. It is ok to want to look good, but do not get carried away. We do not want to make others feel less than perfect if they don’t have what we have, or we should not feel bad if we can’t afford what someone else has.

Before I sign off I want to encourage you to think about the good that has happened in your ministry. What are some of the blessings God has given you? Think on these things. Allow the Holy Spirit to jog your memory. If you are going through a difficult time it will be a little harder to think of the good, but it is important that you do. It will help get you back on the right track.

God is so good. He wants you to succeed and prosper in ministry. He wants you to find a good woman to talk to and confide in. He knows how important it is to your spiritual and emotional health. If you already have this person write me and tell me about your relationship, so others will be encouraged. If you do not have this person yet, but are going to find someone please let me know when you do and let it be an encouragement to other women who may be hesitant on finding someone.

The Power of Godly Friendships continued

In my opinion it is very important to make a very determined effort to not let the meeting become superficial in which you are not open and cannot share. Let the goal be to help make each of you stronger, closer, and more trusting of each other. If it is just one or two people that is ok. The main thing is to make sure you get together.

Getting together is not meant to be a time of bashing churches or spouses or blaming other people for hurts and disappointments. If one of you is hurt it is to be a time of healing. If one of you feels like you are spiritually dying let it be a time of restoration. If you are just starting out in ministry or feel you are just fine, then it is to be a preventative maintenance regimen.

We have come from a culture that has told us to keep everything to ourselves. In my opinion I think that has been a mistake. Think of a marriage relationship for a moment - it cannot be healthy when the two people involved keep things inside. It is the same with people in ministry. If we are going through situations that seem too hard to go through DO NOT hold it all inside. It could very well lead to a crisis situation. Find someone to confide in and be a support for each other.

If anyone is more comfortable confiding in someone like myself please do not hesitate to email me at hstrymknwmn@hotmail.com.

The Power of Godly Friendships

We all need friends - especially women who are in ministry. When we give of ourselves continually we can become drained and just need someone to talk with that understands our lives. Other women can be friends, but they will not understand the life of a woman in ministry. That is why it is so important for women in ministry to open up to each other - and I have found that to be one of the most difficult things for a woman in ministry to do.

Why? There could be several reasons. Over the years women in ministry have learned to be "closed" so they would not be hurt, or hurt their husband's ministry. Little by little that is changing and women are coming to realize the need to be open. There have been too many pastor's families in crisis situations to ignore the need for relationships and better mentoring.

It is my opinion we need to develop friendships with other women in ministry. Take time to get to know each other. Break down denominational walls and get to know other women in ministry. We may not have the personality to go out and get to know someone we don't know, but it is very important we do. Be persistant. Schedule a meeting where you go to a coffee shop for the first time. Then meet monthly at the same place. Get other women together and go to the beach, or for a walk somewhere. The point is to just hang out and enjoy each other's company. A relationship will develop from there and when someone has a need for support or encouragement a relationship will have already been established to help.

I would love to hear how some of you are doing this already. Let me know your thoughts.

In one of my previous posts I talked about intential mentoring. My prayer is that some of these posts will be a part of a mentoring process in your life. This should not take the place of a physical woman in your life, but I trust I will be an encouragement.

Dr. Chris Thurman in his book, “The Lies We Believe,” says, “Most of our unhappiness and emotional struggles are caused by the lies we tell ourselves.” He goes on to say that until we recognize these lies and replace them with truth emotional health is impossible. (pg 22)

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I let hurts from our first pastorate, issues in two of our churches, and the disappointment of our handicapped son fester in my heart throughout years of ministry.

I grew up in Tulsa, OK, around positive preachers all my life, but I allowed all that positive influence to be crowded out by all the negative surrounding me. That was where I went wrong.

That is what I want each woman reading this to understand - DO NOT ALLOW THE ENEMY TO CROWD OUT THE POSITIVE THAT ONLY GOD CAN BRING INTO YOUR SPIRIT.

All around us we are told by the media, women, law, and some churches that we don’t have to put up with this; we can get out of the situation if we choose. I had let all these hurts and disappointments culminate to the point of despair in my life. I didn’t hear the voice of truth, because by the time I reached the point of despair, I had made up my mind and didn’t want to hear the truth. I was not looking to the Source; I was looking at things in my life God had not answered.

The reality was I was looking at lies and listening to Satan’s words, not God’s. I had to admit and confess all my wrong thinking. I had to ask God to forgive me and get me back on track. I would not wish that point of desperation on anyone.

You might be wondering how I could let myself get to that point. In all honesty I needed to be truthful with myself. I needed someone else to help me see that the road I was taking was only leading to destruction. I needed another woman in ministry, but I did not have that kind of a friendship.

As women in ministry this is of utmost importance - WE NEED FRIENDS! We need to have friends with other women in ministry. Why? Because they understand our circumstances. I will go into more detail in the next post.

Is Being "Called" Worth It? Is it a Privilege?

This is the beginning of a series on finding out whether we believe ministry is worth it or a privilege? I trust you will be encouraged by what is written and let me know what you think.

There are many ups and downs to this life of ministry. It is totally up to us how we deal with and handle them. We can let our spiritual life suffer, by letting hurt turn into anger. Anger, if not dealt with will eventually turn into bitterness. Or, we can allow the Holy Spirit to mature us to new, higher levels in Him. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Eph. 4:26, 27 NIV

Responding Successfully to the Ministry Challenge

What do we do when we are hurt? Do we lash out? Do we hold it inside? How we react to the hurts and disappointments in ministry and our life will affect us positively or negatively. We have two choices: one choice is to let God mature our spirit, the other choice is to let our enemy, the devil, destroy our spirit and eventually our life.

Next time I will quote from the book, "Lies We Believe," by Dr. Chris Thurman. Check back soon and let me know how you are feeling about the ministry you are in at this time.